STRUGGLES


Friend,
I don’t know where to start my words from, probably from the fact that I called you friend since we have gone below what we were before.
I have my worries and my troubles; it’s like a boat in the midst of a storm about to experience a mishap which might spell the end of its journey. Would it come back? That depends on the storm and probably if the boat stood its ground to dive through it.
The captain has many things to think, “Am I going to die here”? “Oh! my daughter, my future. Won’t I see her walk down the aisle “?
Questions and thoughts of different degrees.
Friend, would I ever get the recognition I deserve from those I would really lay down my life for? Am not sure cos if I would then it would start from you.
I bothered not myself about things again cos I tell myself that if I should die, life still goes on.
But before the spell of the end in our Ship, I would want you to know about my addiction, the demon in my head.
For 6 years, I went through a stage of masturbating, went down the lane of prostitutes maybe I could get good sex from them. At the end, I turn away and see no good in it.
Throughout school, I clean the pew and stand before men. I set the engines and raise the mic.
I am a bro but how clean would the pew be when it’s been cleaned by the devil holding a white napkin that makes it look like it’s been cleaned by a saint?
I delved into gambling and lost a lot of my fortune, I took alcohol and had the best movie in pornography.
Addicted to Beautiful ladies and found Sugar to be my best intake. I have a future that seems derailed and it cost me a perfect relationship with Heaven.
          From my desk, I write in pain and from my chest, I cry in great defeat. My struggle isn’t with you or anyone but myself.
Moving on, carrying on, Journey on but would it solve the matter?
Well, am lost in the journey of despair and drowning in the sea of regrets. Please encourage me not and pat not my back cos it’s full of thorns that would Pierce your hand.
          Friend, your goodbye seems to be the best way to solve all issues cos that’s the way you see it. It hurts you not and if it does then it’s for a little time.
          I am addicted to my music, to my anger, to my lust and lost.
Do me this favor friend, for maybe it would be the last time I’ll call you friend and stay lost from each other in this vast world. Keep my words with you and think of me no more cos we deserve not each other.
          I could only find comfort in my maker but I thought you would help lead me to Him and help me out when He chastises me but hmmmmm.
          Thank you friend for misunderstanding me through the time we have been together, thank you for letting go of one who isn’t worth it.
Every day, every night I fight my demons and smile in a well ironed suit whereas am hurting underneath this shiny amour that I put on.
One told me am humble but broke, another told me “hey, I don’t deserve you” and then I heard “hey I am moving on” and also “it’s been long, please help me with airtime and then boom we talk no more”.
          Dreams as much as the stars in the sky, but would disappear when the dark clouds gathered and the rain drops on the soil.
Have you seen a lost soul? It wandered all around the universe and finds no rest.
When it would end this way, why make it start?
          I remembered everything but you made it look as if it’s a writing plot. No one sees me; I am a one man show.
I am heading home, but the music still plays and scenes shows on the big screen of my brain.
It hurts me Friend!
I wished you did find me but no you can’t.
          I learnt one thing; you can’t force friendship, it’s even better not to have one than having one who will someday let you go.
Guess I can’t defend myself when questions are been thrown at me like a panel sitting all round me waiting to see me fail.
I left where I was born so as to retrace my root but guess what I met, threats, differences and vain life.
Rose with thorns, Beautiful but hurtful!
I had my errors but my friend wouldn’t forget and it shows I am not forgiven.
Please defend not yourself just as I won’t defend myself.
Faults from our horizon!
Fields of Roses? No! Fields of Nails!
I regret been born,
Waiting for the day I will give my last breath
I hope to go with a heart free from guilt, pain, sin.
I pray to leave in peace and righteousness then my journey beyond would be smooth.
No more words, no more feelings, no more passion.
Goodbye Friend, Say me well to our Memories!
FRIEND!